There is distinct difference between being nervous about a performance, presentation, meeting or a situation and being anxious to a point of uncontrollable fear based emotion.

Nervousness prior to an event is just a sign that what you are about to encounter is something that is meaningful for you, nothing more nothing less.

However the feeling of significance is a benefit only to the point where it does not force you to change your focus or beliefs. By this I mean, the level of nervousness is such that is still allows you to maintain a clarity of focus on what needs to be done and to maintain a level of belief in yourself or in others who are involved.

However this month’s question of:

How do I deal with the anxiety I get?

Is one where there are any number of factors that need to be considered to provide a true and accurate strategy to go forward with.

You can deal with anxiety in two different ways:

1. Preparation
You do what you can well before so that the chances of anxiety being created are minimized.

2. Coping
If anxiety does come about, you have a set of strategies that allow you to deal with it then and there.

And as important it is to have the coping strategies, I would suggest that you prepare in a way that removes almost any chance of anxiety being witnessed as you go about doing what you have to do.

But as neither way of dealing with anxiety should be ruled out, we will break this up into two parts. Today we will work on the preparation side of things.

I will attempt to give you five areas to consider in regard to dealing with anxiety prior to it happening.

1. What is the cause of the angst

In essence the initial focus should be to discover what is the cause of the anxiety.

• Fear of success
• Fear of failure
• Fear of change
• Fear of getting out of your comfort zone
• Fear of non acceptance

In my experiences high levels of anxiety are usually formed because of the desire for the attainment of a particular outcome e.g. Can we really with this game? Can I fulfill my role? Am I better than my opposition? Am I going to perform well today?

You see the problem is that we focus on something, that in reality, we have little or no control over, the outcome, e.g. Winning. Beating the opposition. But this does not mean that getting what we want is out of our control, it just means we are focusing on the wrong thing.

It is very important to understand this point. We may not have absolute control over an outcome, but we do have control over the process or what it will take to get the job done.

So my first pieces of advice would be to first understand what is causing the anxiety and second, to start focusing on the process or what it will take for you to succeed rather than the outcome itself.

2. Know where your confidence comes from

In my opinion confidence is very personal emotion. That is that confidence can be stimulated and stifled by any number of particular means. However, one of the key drivers of confidence is demonstrated ability.

Generally speaking for most people knowing what you have done in the past will help you have confidence in what you have to do in the future.

And when I say that, I don’t mean just because you have beaten a team last time you played that you should be overly confidence to beat them again.

However if you have practised and prepared well in each and every area that can and will have an affect on the outcome, then you should have a certain confidence to do well. Remember your levels of success will be a direct reflection of your levels of preparation.

The other thing to identify with, is that you don’t always have to have confidence in doing something you have never done before. Like achieving an outcome you have never achieved before.

But because of your levels of preparation, you should have confidence in yourself and those around you, that you can do the things that you have identified as the key drivers of optimal performance. That is, that you can successfully implement and complete certain strategies, plays and options that when completed successfully, will have you well on your way to achieving your overall outcome.

3. Practise dealing with fear

The reason the levels of anxiety continue to rise is because you become fearful of what the result might be. And rather than learning how to deal with that feeling, most people do what they can to avoid it or not to have the fear in the first place, by not putting themselves in the position where that fear can be aroused.

Unfortunately, due to a combination of themselves and the situation most continue to find the fear coming at them in a number of different ways and never really learn how to operate when they are fearful.

My advice, well an idea from a great friend of mine (Graeme Alford) is practise being fearful, practise being out of your comfort zone.

By this, I mean think about some things that make you feel a bit uncomfortable and start putting yourself in those positions. This is what we call comfort zone exercises. And I would suggest you have and have one short term and one long-term comfort zone exercises going at once. I don’t know what you might feel uneasy about doing so, it is hard to make suggestions but bear with me and we will see how we go.

Short Term:

• No coffee for a week
• No desert after dinner
• No chocolate
• Give up alcohol and cigarettes for a period
• Have lunch with work colleagues you don’t particularly get on with
• Take a toastmaster’s course and MC the annual work Christmas party
• Take singing lessons and start practising the national anthem
• Take a high speed driving course
• Don’t eat until you are hungry. No I mean really hungry
• Wear clothes for a short period that are not really you
• Take diving, caving or learn to fly classes

Long Term

• Take public transport to work for one year
• Exercise three times per week 30 mins each time for a year
• Sit on the committee of you local sporting club for a season
• Be a volunteer at a local homeless shelter
• Get out of bed 1 hour earlier each day
• Walk to work for a year
• Drink nothing but water for a year
• Enrol in an education course that you know you are not strong in
• 1 hour each week for one year, do something you do not like to do

You see it doesn’t really matter what you do, just as long as you become a bit fearful when you think about doing it, or you become fearful of what others might think about you doing it.

The key to overcoming your fear or anguish is to put yourself in this position where you learn the skill of being able to do what you need to, when you are fearful.

The other great benefit in doing this little exercise is that as you do these different activities, you will soon realise that you are a lot better than what you give yourself credit for and the reality is that you really have nothing to be fearful of.

4. Stop worrying about what others might think

I would imagine that some of the anxiety might come form the situation where you become concerned about what others might think about, what you do and how you do it.

Now the first thing to contemplate here is that this scenario should only come into play when you think about particular individuals you know that have the experience and understanding to make relevant and insightful judgment calls on you, what you do and how you do it. e.g. team mates, coaches, leaders etc.

The rest that want to pass judgment you should work hard to not worry about.

But you shouldn’t get anxious about filling the expectations of those that you know have the experience, the skill and the awareness to make judgment call in regard to you.

The reality should be that your expectation about you and your levels of performance should be higher than anyone else’s expectations.

Your expectations on you should be based on what you know to be true, through how you have prepared, through the skill you possess, through the commitment, desire and discipline you continue to show.

If you have prepared properly, your expectations will be in most cases a lot higher than what anyone else’s will be, therefore the level of expectations from others no longer become a problem.

The other thing here is to make sure you utilise the observations and awareness of others. Bring together a small group of people that you respect and have experience to be able to give you open and honest feedback on you, your preparation and ultimately your performance.

I know it is not always easy to take feedback, especially when it is not really what you want to hear. But know that you are never going to get better with everyone telling you that you did a great job and everything you did was on the money.

So don’t be fearful of someone telling you that was ordinary look at that information as great insight and something that is going to allow you to be better next time.

5. Understand failure is part of the journey of success

Think about anyone you deem to be successful. Not everything they have done was successful. They sometimes throw a bad pass, missed a goal dropped the ball, made a wrong decision, hired the wrong person etc.

Most successful people realise that failure is somewhere, sometime and somehow going to happen. They do what they can to make sure it doesn’t, but they know that chances are that in some way failure will raise its ugly head. But they also understand this critical point; that failure is allowing them to be one step closer to success.

They don’t necessarily want failure to happen but when it does, it is no big deal. Why? Because they demand a lot of themselves and they know sometime they might push a bit hard and therefore they will fail. However, they don’t see this a failing. They view this as a learning experience.

Failure only becomes a negative if we don’t learn from it.

So as you can see, dealing with anxiety is about dealing with issues well and truly before you are in the situation from where the anxiety can be created.

Like most things in life anxiety is a work in progress and different people, situations, results and expectations will have a different affect on different people all for different reasons.

Hopefully though by working through what we have outlined, when you find yourself in these types of situations, you maybe become a little nervous and hopefully not much else.

The Journey Continues!