This month’s question is:

How can you help me understand why I don’t do the things I know I should?

I will attempt to answer the question through the following information:

On any given day and at no particular time, chances are there are things you are supposed to be doing that you are not.

These things can range from visiting a sick family member, to finishing off a report, to returning a phone call, to cleaning out the garage.

These things that you know you should be doing but are not, can be both personal and or professional. As this practice of not doing the things you know you should, pretty much transcends across many different if not all aspects  of life.

But why?

What is it that holds you back from doing the things you know you should?

Reality is that this is a significant problem in today’s society. The numbers right now support this to a point where it becomes hard to believe the enormity of the situation.

Figures from the medical world suggest that over 65% of people, if told they will do themselves serious harm if they don’t stop doing something, continue to do it.

But why?

What is it that stops a perfectly logical thinking person, with common sense approach to life and desire to do the right thing, not do it?

Let’s explore a few possibilities:

1. Competing Commitments

This is where you are sitting down to the burger with fries, side order of onion rings, the large drink and the chocolate sundae and start to have the conversation about why can’t I loose weight.

Conflicting commitments is this situation and similar. Although you say you are committed to a particular direction, concept or element of change, you continually do things that contradict these statements.

Although this may seem illogical and quite unreasonable to an outside observer, it is not uncommon for the individual involved to not be able to understand it either.

Research from Keegan & Lahey 2001 outline the concept of competing commitments in this way:

Basically, what we are looking at here is that we have one commitment to do what the situation seems to require.  We have another commitment to a conviction we have about what will happen if we do.

They call this (unconscious) opinion the Big Assumption.

Keegan & Lahey note “People rarely realise they hold the big assumptions because, quite simply, they accept them as reality.  Often formed long ago and seldom, if ever, critically examined, big assumptions are woven into the very fabric of people’s existence.”

The bottom line focus of dealing with competing commitments is all about releasing people from the Big Assumption.  Everyone holds assumptions that they “know” are true, but for other people are not.  Some people know dogs are friendly, others know they are dangerous.

The research of Keegan & Lahey has shown that there are 5 questions we must pose to ourself so that we can understand these competing commitments and therefore create an opportunity to move on:

a. “What would you like to see changed?”

They note that the response is usually couched in a complaint.  People complain about what they care about.  So they suggest we ask, “What commitment does your complaint imply?

If we use the example above, about the person that is complaining about their weight. You would then work hard to define the positive intent. Which in this case, could be that they like to be recognised as a person of high levels of fitness & athleticism.

b. “What are you doing or not doing that is keeping your commitments from being fully realised?”

If we were to continue using the example from above, you would look to see what is this person doing to retard to level of commitment?

Looking at this as part of our example: This person is working long hours, skipping meals and then makes up for it by eating takeaway food or convenient meals and therefore continues to gain weight and in the process continues to loose fitness.

c. “If you imagine doing the opposite of what your undermining behavior, do you detect in yourself a level of fear, worry or discomfort? “

All you are really trying to ascertain here is that if you change your behavior/commitments would there be any consequences?

Following on using our example: Our takeaway eating, low fitness level, long hours worker, cannot work less hours.

So to counteract this they would need to create a plan that allows them to exercise at another time.

They would also need to get up earlier of a morning to allow them to prepare some of their own daily meals so they can increase their intake of healthy food.

However the biggest inconvenience comes from not being able to go to the pub as much of a night. The pub schedule has been knocked about because now each evening after work they would be going to the gym to workout.

All of this reality produces a feeling of loss of control, a vision of operating well out of their comfort zone, and a feeling of giving up soooo much to gain so little.

d. “By engaging in this undermining behavior, what worrisome outcome are you committed to preventing.”

When you use this question to unearth those outcomes, you are bringing yourself within striking range to understand and realise the Big Assumption.

Following on with our example takeaway eating person, their Big Assumption is along these lines:

That the financial cost to losing weight is to high.

They would need to hire a personal trainer, purchase special workout clothing, buy special food, supplementation and fluids. And then when they lose weight, they would need to purchase an entirely new wardrobe.

2. Procrastination

I continue to hear that procrastination comes from lack of confidence. And to certain degree that is true.

However, I also believe that there are other contributing factors as to why procrastination continues in everyday life.

Some of these maybe real and some maybe perceived, either way these are contributing factors as to why we procrastinate:

• Don’t have the resources
• The project isn’t motivating/fun/challenging/ enjoyable
• Don’t  have the time
• Don’t have the energy needed
• Don’t have the clarity on the best way to go forward
• The task is too big
• Don’t like doing new things
• Fear of what others might think
• Feeling you have to do something as opposed to just wanting to do it
• Feeling that it has to be done a certain way and for whatever reason it cannot be done that way right now

I think one of the most important aspects to realise about procrastination is that the reason why it happens will vary from project to project.

To start working on overcoming it, you should start to explore the reason why you might procrastinate well before the next project is on the starting line. But as you do, also realise there is no one way that will singularly help you overcome procrastination.

3. Fear of failure

Once again this is one of those elements that is very wide spread throughout society. For many years I have researched the topic with those that I have worked with and the figures are still excessively high.

In common terms, the figures show that as many as 80%+ of people are driven by fear of failure. And in elite achievers, this figure only drops back to the mid to high 70% range.

The biggest contributors to fear of failure are these:

a. Thinking too far ahead
You start to think about something perhaps a goal and end result a particular situation and then you start to draw it out to a final objective. That final objective might be 1, 2, 5, 10 years away and the minute you start to put time and space between where you are now and that final objective, you will also start to doubt your ability to get the job done.

The perspective I would like you to consider is that you don’t need to have confidence of reaching that final objective before you start it. You only need to have the confidence that is required to take the next step in the journey.

b. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy
You start to do things that cause your fear to become a reality. Not that you are causing yourself to fail on purpose, but never the less, you start to do things that cause it to happen.

You do things in a protective way. You second guess some decisions, you don’t do things at the time you should have because you have been over thinking them.

Once again, these are not huge mistakes, but just little ones and by themselves probably would not affect you and your performance to any great degree. But ad them together and all of a sudden you realise that what you have wanted to avoid the most you have just made happen.

c. Comfort zone
We have covered this topic many times, but it is without a doubt one of the key contributors to fear of failure. To overcome this problem you must start/continue to work at doing things outside of your comfort zone. This way, when the time arises where you have no choice but to do something out of your comfort zone, it will be no big deal.

d. We see failure as a negative
The most widely used learning tool used in the development of a human being is trial and error. We can learn, study, understand research and all the rest of it but there comes a time where you have to do.

The chances are that when you do it you may not get it right straight away. But this I do know to be true: if you don’t get it right the first time, you will certainly be a lot better educated on how to get it right for your next attempt.

4. Pride getting in the way

What will others think?
I should be able to do this myself?
I am better than this.
I don’t need anyone to help me.

I bet you can probably think of a thousand more situations that you have done or know of where pride/ego got in the way of good decision making.

We could go over a whole heap of information on cause and effect as it relates to this situation.

But do we need to?

Do we need to do anything other than to have you challenge yourself when the time is right by asking yourself  “Am I letting my pride/ego get in the way of doing what is right?”

5. Fear of success

To some degree  this may sound strange, but you would be surprised as to the frequency at which this occurs from people’s worry of what will happen to them and their world if they DO succeed.

A number of the issues we outlined in the fear of failure section also come into play here.

The worry of the unknown, for instance, is tackled in the same way. Do your homework and talk to as many people as you can.

This is made a lot easier by the fact that success is usually very well publicised, so it should not be too hard to find information on people who have attempted and successfully attained similar goals to the ones you have set for yourself.

These discussions and communications will give you a clearer picture of what you can expect and the pros and cons of the journey you are about to take.

Also, if you are in control of each step that you take and complete along the way, then you will be in control of the end result when you get there.

Through learning the skills of control as your journey has unfolded, you will have gained quite a considerable level of skill and confidence to allow you to control everything that happens when and after you have successfully completed your mission.

The understanding of control comes from the ability to take accountability for everything you do.

If you know you are responsible for the things you say and do and the events that happen in your life, then you must also understand that change only comes about if you instigate it or you allow it to happen.

Therefore, the fear of change due to your success can be removed if you understand that you can be in control of what happens to you. You have the ability and scope to change and redirect anything and everything that goes on in your life.

Just so you know what am talking about here, here are some of the key drivers towards fear of success:

• Even though you attain all that you set out to do you worry that you will no be content, satisfied or fulfilled

• Even though you have achieved all you desire it may not be recognised by others

• Through what you have achieved you will be recognised by others

• Because of what you accomplish you will gain added expectation (media, public scrutiny)

• That you will not be able to sustain or rise above that level of accomplishment

• That you are not worthy of the success that will come your way

• That when you do achieve others will attempt/surpass your accomplishments

So what is it that stops you doing the things you know you should?

What is it that causes conflict and therefore, the things you should be doing don’t get done?

Why don’t you have the discipline to just do what needs to be done?

The bottom line is these questions can only really be answered by you. Get a mirror that works and as you do remember:

The Journey Continues!

Last month we started working through my response to the question of:

What can I do to deal with the daily pressures associated with my job and my life?

At the time I outlined that rather than spend time trying to work out how to deal with it if and when it occurs. I thought it better to outline a few ideas that might help us reduce the frequency of having to deal with it at all.

But after a period of time I found that my few ideas had become a lot of ideas. So rather than throw everything at you at once I have split my ideas up into two.

Here is the second installment.

Also, please do not hesitate to post a response to anything you read or and comment you might have about the subject of Dealing With Stress/Pressure.

Get out of your comfort zone
Know what it is like to deal with uncomfortable situations by having little exercises that take you out of your comfort zone each and everyday.

Spend time with you
There are always demands on you and your time. Without being selfish make sure you have a little bit of “you” time.

Be smarter and therefore better

The more we educate ourselves the easier it becomes to handle situations when they are encountered.

Give what you want to receive
Make sure you understand that what comes your way could be reflection of what you put out.

Take responsibility for your own actions
Instead of saying why does this happen to me, understand it is probably happening because you did something to cause it.

Goals
Each day have the discipline of daily action to take you closer to the goals and aspirations that you have set yourself.

Change

Be open minded to change, but never lower your standards.

Be involved in the positive
Surround yourself with positive people and influences. When there is a negative conversation taking place, walk away.

Stand your ground
Without being ridiculous stand up for the things you believe in and be consistent in doing it.

Respect, popularity and you
Understand that not everyone is going to like who you are, what you are about or what you stand for but that is OK. See point above.

Repetition

Don’t do things to release the pressure or stress and then wake up the next morning and worry and stress because you did them.

Motivation V Discipline
Sometimes you will have to do things you do not like this is called discipline. Sometimes you can do things you want to do this is called motivation. Understand the difference and when and how to use each one.

Learn to say ‘No’
One of the great stress and pressure busters is without being rude is to be able to say no. People are always placing themselves in situations that 10 mins have after they have agreed to something they start to stress about having to do it. Just learn to say ‘no’.

Relaxation techniques
These days there are any number of relaxation tapes and CD’s available. Get hold of one and use it as often as you can.

In the nose out the mouth
I am sure there is more to effective breathing than this. But I do know that effective and consistent deep breathing goes along way to helping reduce stress and anxiety.

Daily Inspiration
In your own manner find inspiration in each and everyday. This daily inspiration can be found through religion, meditation and Tai Chi, reading, music and the like.

Positive self talk
As important as it is to be in a positive environment and dealing with positive people it falls short of the need for us to be positive to ourself. Make sure when you start hearing that little voice it is saying all the right things.

Wind down the window and enjoy the view

As busy as you are everyday, make sure you take the time to understand and enjoy what it is you are doing and to take full advantage of all of the opportunities these situations provide.

New friends and acquaintances
Try to each day spend time with new people. New insight and perspective will provide you with renewed positive outlook on the opportunities that are available.

Be on time
There has to be a thousand different ways to do this. But if you want to reduce stress and anxiety be on time for the things you have to do.

Have a plan
Without getting to robotic in your day, make sure you have an understanding and a plan of attack for each and everyday. At the end make sure you have accomplished the majority of what you set out to do.

A little exercise goes along way
There is an infinite amount of descriptions of what constitutes exercise, which for your purpose is great. Just make sure each and everyday you do some type of exercise.

Keep looking forward
No sense dwelling on the past the only thing you can control is what happens in the future?

Have ago to place
When you get an inkling of what might be around the corner take a little time away from where you are and go to a place that is going to allow you to be cool, calm and collected.

Don’t ignore the signs

Sometimes we fail to hear ourselves telling us things that are important. Our body uses various means to tell us certain things be in touch with yourself so you know what you should be doing and when.

Prevention is better than cure
Probably no more needs to be said.

The Journey Continues!

This month’s question is:

What can I do to deal with the daily pressures associated with my job and my life?

And it is a very important and relevant question due to the fact that each and everyday someone somewhere has to either deal with or decide not to worry about the pressures or stress in their life.

As we know stress and pressure can be created and come from a wide array of situations and circumstance. Rather than spend time trying to work out how to deal with it, if and when it occurs. I thought it better to outline a few ideas that might help us reduce the frequency of having to deal with it at all.

But after a period of time I found that my few ideas had become a lot of ideas. So rather than throw everything at you at once I have split my ideas up into two. We will post the first group today and the next group next month.

In the meantime please do not hesitate to post a response to anything you read or any comment you might have about the subject of Dealing With Stress/Pressure.

Have a plan
The more you know where it is you are going and why, the easier it will become to get there.

Change what you can
There are always situations we face on a daily basis that we either do not like or are not happy about. If you have the time and the ability to change them then do so.

See a donut not a hole
See opportunities in everything you do or encounter. This does not mean you have to like everything. It just means you see opportunity in it.

Have a circle of influence
Some of the initial reactions when stress or adversity comes are to withdraw into our own little world and to start thinking about certain situations in a less than rational manner. Have a group of people around you that you can spend time with and talk things through with.

Have a balanced lifestyle

This does not mean equally balanced. It just means there are things in your life that you should spend time doing. Workout what they are then make sure you spend time doing them.

• Family and relationships
• Career and finance
• Health, fitness and exercise
• Self education
• Hobbies and interests

Think things through and make a decision
Procrastination causes us undue time and stress. Think through what needs to be done, use all resources available to you and then make a decision.

Make sure you sleep
You must balance out between getting enough sleep and getting good quality unbroken sleep. But don’t sleep your life away.

A little bit of Monty Python
In other words, always look on the bright side of life.

Control
We have all heard it a thousand times. But here it is again. Only spend time and effort on the things you can control. Not on the things you cannot.

Self management
Without moving away from the spontaneity that life presents. Make sure you are managing yourself and what, how and why you do the things you do.

Definition of Success
Know in your own mind what it is you want and the expectations that you are prepared to place upon yourself. Be realistic in what you ask of yourself. Try to avoid others imposing on you how it is you should be successful.

Be where you are, when you are there
Make sure to live where you are. When doing something don’t be thinking that you should be somewhere else.

First and foremost do what you are entrusted to do
Each and everyday we entrust certain things to others so that they can help us. The more we do this the more we are putting ourselves in a situation where the end result is out of our hands. In saying that don’t try to do everything yourself. But at the same do not delegate those things that are really your own responsibility.

Learn to trust
After the point above I though it imperative that we must continue to build trust with each other. Build that trust based on a set of guidelines so you have consistency in how it is you develop trust with someone.

Learn to relax
Find the things that take you away from the pressures of everyday life. Not just one or two, but outline quite a few. Have a wide variety so that each and everyday you can incorporate then into your life.

Know that you are good, but not that good
Understand and appreciate the things you can achieve in your life. Do what you can to constantly improve upon them. But don’t waste time and effort in trying to prove to others that you are the best at everything.

Day dream

Spend a little time each and everyday thinking about the possibilities that the future can bring.

Prioritise
Spend time doing what needs to be done, when it needs to be done and in the manner and at the standard that is required. Don’t prioritise your schedule — schedule your priorities.”

Know your friends and have them know you
We are all individuals and that is what makes this existence we are in so interesting but complex. Learn to accept others for who they are and at the same time allow the others the opportunity to accept you for who you are.

Know and understand you
There are people, situations and occurrences that push our buttons. Make sure you know yourself well enough to realise when you are under pressure and learn to deal with it. Don’t just accept it as part of everyday life.

Learn to have fun and to be funny
Laughter is recognised universally as a great stress reliever. Make sure that you take the time each and everyday to laugh at the things you find amusing. Also do what you can to add a little laughter in to the lives of those around you.

Don’t wait for the fireworks
Each and everyday we do things that help others or to help ourself. We get results we make accomplishments, we get things done. Make sure that each and everyday we get a little pat on the back for doing certain things and doing them well. Don’t wait for the fireworks to go off before you recognise your accomplishments.

Food for thought
Although it is at times very comforting to eat certain types of food when you are stressed, the best solution is to eat a well balance nutritious diet so that your mind is always clear and alert and ready to tackle the challenges that each day brings.

Saving for a rainy day

Regardless of how little you bank, try to each and very week to put some money away for a time when you really need it. Although there are important things now to use this money for, when those unexpected bills arrive, you will be grateful for what you have done.

The Journey Continues!

This month’s question of:

Do I always lead from the front?

Is one that allows me to share with you a number of different ideas? I think the first insight I want to share with you is that you don’t always need to lead from the front, (and I will explain this in more detail a little later) however, I do believe you always need to lead by example.

To help you understand where I am coming from on the concept of Leading by Example, I want to go back to an article I have previously written:

I hear it so often. It gets stated by good leaders and by others, perhaps not so good. I hear it from young leaders and old leaders alike. I hear it from leaders with many years experience and from those with basically no experience.

I hear it spoken about as though it is a strength, when in most cases, it actually is a weakness.

The phrase I am talking about is:

“I lead by example!”

Leadership by example is fantastic as long as the example is the right kind of example.

As a leader do you have people saying this to you?

“Well if you want it done, then you go out and do it”, or

“If you believe it can be done, then you show me how!”

Leadership by example, in my opinion, is not doing for someone that which they should be prepared to do for themselves.

Obviously, there are going to be times when, because of circumstances, you need to go before everyone else and show what can be done.

Then there is no problem.

But if as a leader you always need to “be an example”, by doing what the people you lead should be doing, then you have a problem.

And that problem is either with you or the team. And as it stands, neither the team nor you are going to see the true benefits of a combined approach if everything continues the way it is.

Let me try and put this another way:

“Leadership is what you do with someone not what you do for someone.”

You are involved with the people you lead; you work with them. But as I said, very rarely should you do for them that which they are capable of doing for themselves.

As you no doubt realise, this will take a great deal of discipline on your part because there will be times when you “leading by example” is your fault, not theirs. Think through some of these statements:

• It was just easier for me to do it
• We were short of time
• I have extensive knowledge in that area
• I just needed to show them how it is done
• Delegation is not my strength

All of these are very legitimate reasons. All of them however, are negatives, not positives.

Yes, it might be easier for you to do it; and yes, they can learn from observing you; and yes, time is important; and yes, to every other reason you want to use to justify your actions.

But if all you ever do is solve the problems of the people you lead without helping them learn to solve them for themselves, then you are not really doing the right thing by them.

And leadership is all about doing the right thing by the people you lead.

Leadership is about empowering the people around you. Are you really empowering them by “being an example” and doing it for them time and time again?

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not talking about the one or two situations where you introduce something new and then show them what is going on. What I am talking about here is role confusion: role confusion highlighted by the fact that you continue to fill their roles and don’t really fulfil yours.

So can leading by example be a strength?

Can leading by example really help those you lead?

Can you fulfil your role just by leading by example?

Can you empower someone by leading by example?

Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!

But it all depends on the type of example you are showing.

• Honesty
• Integrity
• Commitment
• Caring
• Discipline
• Communication
• Values
• Ethics
• Standards
• Purpose

These are the areas where you do want to lead by example. These are the areas that will have people following your lead. These are the areas that will empower people and these are areas that are capable of taking those you lead to another level; firstly as people, and then as colleagues involved in your specific work.

It is this leading by example that will generate the most important aspect of leadership: Trust.

Those around you will follow you because they trust you. People will follow your example when it truly helps them become better. People will follow you when you show your belief in them, by letting them do it for themselves.

So hopefully, I have been able to clarify my position on leading by example which then leads us back to the original question of should you always lead from the front.

To which my simple answer would be, No. But once again please allow me to explain.

My belief is that there are three different levels from which you can position yourself in your quest to be an effective leader.

Above=Leadership
Beside=Fellowship
Below=Followership

Now before we get to far into this, let me outline this important consideration in regard to this model:

One level is not necessarily better or more important than another.

I believe the best level of positioning will be situation specific. I know there would be others that would have contrary view to this and probably a very strong one.

And that view would be along the lines of: “There is only one place to lead from and that is out in front or above the people you lead”. Now without getting us side tracked I believe this to be a very restricted view.

But back to the specifics of:
Above=Leadership
Beside=Fellowship
Below=Followership

As a leader you understand the sequence of influence and you will also be aware that in some occasions you will need to be above or infront of the team, Leadership. Leading them to where they need to be. But at the same time, as we went through above not doing for them those things they should be doing for themselves. Basically, not leading by example by doing the things they should be doing.

But when the team has taken responsibility to go forward. When they have paid the price of responsibility to be able to take ownership of themselves and of the situation, then you as leader, join in side by side with them. They have their roles and you have yours it becomes a Fellowship of specific role identified performance.

You continue working with the team, you build the team in skill, experience, purpose, desire and responsibility. They continue to increase their responsibility to a point where they are taking control of themselves and their destiny. They are in charge of driving themselves, the product and the result.

In one sense, it is almost like you have made yourself redundant. But as you and those you lead continue to work through the sequence and in the process, have now placed you as the leader in a position of leading from behind the team, Followership. However, even from a position behind the team you are watching their every move and at the same time, watching what is coming ahead, so that if you need to change your position for the benefit of all you can.

But for the time, you sit behind the team, you are a follower of the teams action, purpose, commitment and direction.

So although this is a brief overview of the concepts of Leadership, Fellowship and Followership, I would hope that you can see as I said at the outset, that no one position is more important that the other. But where you sit with the team will be dependant upon an variety of situations, needs and influences.

The right place to sit when selected correctly, will bring with it a corresponding level of leadership effectiveness.

Don’t be frightened to develop the team to a point of independence, as in my belief when you have done this, you will be at your greatest level of your leadership effectiveness, that is; you have made those you lead independent of you.

The Journey Continues!

In the January 1st edition of our newsletter The Full Nelson, I asked the question of:

What is going to be your approach to 2008?

And I based this question around the age-old fable of the Hare and the Tortoise.

A hare one day ridiculed the short feet and slow pace of the Tortoise, who replied, laughing, “Though you be swift as the wind, I will beat you in a race.”

The Hare, believing his assertion to be simply impossible, assented to the proposal; and they agreed that the Fox should choose the course and fix the goal.

On the day appointed for the race, the two started together. The Tortoise never for a moment stopped, but went on with a slow but steady pace straight to the end of the course.

The Hare, lying down by the wayside, fell fast asleep. At last waking up, and moving as fast as he could, he saw the Tortoise had reached the goal, and was comfortably dozing after his fatigue.

The moral of the story?

Slow and steady wins the race.

From that story I then asked the following:

Are you going to come out of the blocks at a thousand miles an hour as you pursue your goals and New Year’s resolutions with a whole heap of excitement and motivation?

If you are, please make sure you don’t fall asleep half way through the year because of either fatigue or boredom.

Or …

Are you going to begin and end the journey of the next 366 (Leap Year) days following the philosophy of the tortoise — Slow and steady wins the race?

As a follow up to that article, I want to share with you the following insight to the ongoing relationship of the Hare and the Tortoise.

The Journey Continues!

The Hare and the Tortoise-Part 2:
The hare was disappointed at losing the race and he did some soul-searching. He realised that he’d lost the race only because he had been overconfident, careless, and lax. If he had not taken things for granted, there’s no way the tortoise could have beaten him. So, he challenged the tortoise to another race.

The tortoise agreed.

This time, the hare went all out and ran without stopping from start to finish. He won by several miles.

The moral of the story?

Fast and consistent will always beat the slow and steady. It’s good to be slow and steady; but it’s better to be fast and reliable.

However the journey still continues:

The Hare and the Tortoise-Part 3:
The tortoise did some thinking this time, and realised that there’s no way he can beat the hare in a race the way it was currently formatted. He thought for a while, and then challenged the hare to another race, but on a slightly different route.

The hare agreed.

The tortoise and hare started off. In keeping with his self-made commitment to be consistently fast, the hare took off and ran at top speed until he came to a broad river. The finishing line was a couple of kilometres on the other side of the river.

The hare sat there wondering what to do. In the meantime, the tortoise trundled along, got into the river, swam to the opposite bank, continued walking, and finished the race.

The moral of the story?

First identify your core competency and then change the playing field to suit your core competency.

However, the story still has not ended and the journey continues.

The Hare and the Tortoise-Part 4
The tortoise and hare, by this time, had become pretty good friends and they did some thinking together. Both realised that the last race could have been run much better. So the tortoise and hare decided to do the last race again, but to run as a team this time.

They started off, and this time the hare carried the tortoise till the riverbank. There, the tortoise took over and swam across with the hare on his back. On the opposite bank, the hare again carried the tortoise and they reached the finishing line together. Both the tortoise and hare felt a greater sense of satisfaction than they’d felt earlier.

The moral of the story?

It’s good to be individually brilliant and to have strong core competencies; but unless you’re able to work in a team and harness each other’s core competencies, you’ll always perform below par because there will always be situations at which you’ll do poorly and someone else does well.

The Journey Continues!

This month’s question:

What is the right balance of head, heart and guts as a decision maker?

I know what I am about to run through will look like I am not prepared to give a definitive answer to a great question. I don’t want it to look that way, but too some it might. The reason being; that in my opinion there is no set standard of balance between Head, Heart and Guts when it comes to decision making or anything else for that matter.

However, I do believe it is important that all three become part of any decision making process. Ultimately though, the right balance will depend upon many different considerations.

Considerations such:
The situation
The outcome
The influences
Available information
Level of risk

On the other side of the ledger you would need to consider:
Your personality
Your leadership style
Your vision and focus
Your experience
Your levels of understanding
Your past decision making process

As you can see there are numerous factors that would need to be considered in the process or structure of your decision-making. However, there is also an opportunity, and in many cases, a real and relevant need to include the aspects of Head, Heart and Guts.

Now with that stated, I would also suggest the idea of a weighted scale that allows you to use all three elements of Head, Heart and Guts, but to what amount of each would depend upon the appropriateness of each area, as their relevance, significance and appropriateness will vary from decision to decision.

The reality is that you will operate from a different perspective in your decision making depending on a wide a variety of considerations, not to mention pressures, levels of clarity, understanding and information processing. One cannot use the same style of decision making every day. The need for diversity of approach changes moment-to-moment, situation-to-situation, and decision-to-decision.

We can always do better as decision makers, whether it is professionally or personally. But as you continue to develop yourself, your thinking, your understanding, and therefore your decision-making, it is vitally important to stay true to yourself.

Each and every decision you make must have your DNA attached. It should be easy for anyone influenced by the decisions you make to see you in how the decision has been reached and why.

They may not always agree with your decision, but their level of unease is somewhat reduced, simply because they can see your consistency of approach in the decision that has been made and through the process that led you to the decision.

As a leader of people, each and everyday you will be placed in the position of chief decision maker and those decisions need to be made based on some type of criteria.

Many times that criteria is developed through your past experiences, it is aided by a system or structure, or it can be helped by the information you have available.

I would also suggest emotion to some degree will be involved in your decision-making procedure.

The skill is not to remove or ignore the emotion, but to truly understand the level of emotion involved and its ability to influence you.

You should have a sense of understanding about you and your tendencies towards the emotional aspects of decision-making. That understanding at the very least is to guard against your own worst tendencies.

Let’s look at it this way. If you’re over optimistic, you’re likely to gloss over the threat of things going wrong. If you’re pessimistic, you might have a tendency to dwell on the negatives. And if you’re greedy, you might be so tempted by potential rewards, that you overlook risk altogether.

Probe the basis of your belief. We often make decisions based upon our assumptions, be prepared to test those assumptions against the reality of the situation. Test your opinions by looking for information that challenges your beliefs, rather than looking for information that supports your opinions.

Be prepared to look at your areas of expertise, your beliefs and your philosophies, and honestly assess the restrictions. Search for examples. Identify situations or individuals that have faced a similar decision. Evaluate their experiences to better prepare for your own decision. Watch for over confidence in yourself and others when you venture outside your individual perspective.

If at all possible, do a partial test-run. By this I mean, create a scenario in line with your overall objective, but only do part of the overall decision just to see how it might unfold.

Within the process of making decisions, it is vitally important to look further than one step ahead and to also take into consideration all future options.

Continually and consistently search for new information or insight which may help you in the decision making process. As long as you know where to search for the relevant information - and can verify the accuracy of what you learn - you will be well positioned to see all sides of an issue and make a sensible judgment.

The most effective decisions flow from your ability to surmise the right information, to read the situation correctly and to ask the right person the right question at the right time.

You should also consider: What are the costs associated with this decision and are the benefits worth the cost?

We’ve all heard stories of leaders or we know someone that has for whatever reason, decided to take a rather large risk and from that action, have been able to deliver some outstanding results. Basically, they were willing to make bold decisions with no real understanding, if the outcome they were pursuing would ever be attained.

However, the reality is that most successful leaders take a balanced approach to risk. That is; they accept that risk is inherent, but they make a sharp distinction between calculated risk and careless risk.

They look at a couple of key areas to help them make the distinction, areas such as:

1. Identify the cost
You have to be clear about your viewpoint, theories and assumptions and think through the potential consequences of any decision you make. Ask yourself what could go wrong under any and all circumstances, both internally and externally, and then evaluate the potential effect and magnitude.

Before deciding, picture the expected outcomes of your decision and mentally forecast the ramifications of your chosen course of action.

2. Diversify your approach to reduce the risk
Without turning your back on any element of risk, make sure that you put the context of risk into the bigger picture. That way you can offset risky decisions, ventures, or initiatives with more predictable outcomes.

3. Know when, how and where to read the warning signs
Make a point of understanding, monitoring and analysing the aspects that a favourable outcome of your decision depends upon. Work hard to detect if things aren’t working, as you believe they should be.

Makes sure you have created a network of people that can help you monitor the situation or hold you accountable to the things you should be monitoring.

So hopefully from what we have outlined, you can see that there is a role for Head, Heart and Guts both individually and collectively in your decision making process. To what degree you use any or all of them, is a decision best left to you once you have considered they types of things we have just worked through.

The Journey Continues!

I recently presented an article in my newsletter titled “Live an uncomfortable existence”, about getting out of your comfort zone.

I wanted to use this blog post to expand a little on how to stretch our comfort zones, and why we need to. In my experience one of the great stumbling blocks to getting what you want out of life is the fear of failure. For many years I have observed that achieving almost always requires overcoming some fear of failure.

For some of my clients this was not a problem but for the majority it was a major hurdle in reaching their goals.

What is failure?

Is it attempting something and not achieving the desired result?

For me that is not a definition of failure. To me, failure is sitting in your comfort zone and never attempting to do anything that will make a better life for yourself.

Do you lack confidence to try?

Confidence doesn’t have to be a pre requisite to attempt anything. Well not confidence in achieving the end result. The only confidence you truly need is the confidence to take the first step towards that result. And as you take more successful steps, your confidence will increase, and before long you have achieved your goal. Even though it might take more than one or two attempts.

Sometimes the thought of just taking that first step outside your normal comfort zone is too much. Hence the need to practise the comfort zone exercises, so you are not daunted by starting out.

Why?

Because you have practised how to operate effectively outside of your comfort zone each and everyday.

My good friend, Graeme Alford gave this idea to me: Comfort Zone Exercises—one short term, one long term. The Comfort Zone Exercises can be whatever you need them to be, just so long as they make you feel a little uncomfortable and they get you out of that comfort zone. The exercises don’t have to be relevant to anyone but you.

Some of the great things about these exercises are: you learn how to operate when feeling a little unsettled out of your comfort zone, and you realise that at any time you have a choice to walk into or away from anything you want.

Here are few examples, but remember your comfort zone exercises are only relevant to getting you out of your comfort zone.

Short Term

• No coffee for a week
• No dessert after dinner
• No chocolate
• Give up alcohol and cigarettes for a period
• Have lunch with work colleagues you don’t particularly get on with
• Take a Toastmaster’s course and MC the annual work Christmas party
• Take singing lessons and start practising the national anthem
• Take a high speed driving course
• Don’t eat until you are hungry. No, I mean really hungry
• For a short period, wear clothes that are not really you
• Take diving, caving or learn to fly classes

Long Term

• Take public transport to work for one year
• Exercise for 30 mins three times per week for a year
• Sit on the committee of your local sporting club for a season
• Be a volunteer at a local homeless shelter
• Get out of bed one hour earlier each day
• Walk to work for a year
• Drink nothing but water for a year
• Take an education course in something that you know you are not strong in
• For one hour each week for one year, do something you do not like to do

As you can see the Comfort Zone Exercises are only restricted by your imagination. The key is to think about the things that make you uneasy, and then just gradually put yourself in those situations. In some cases you will complete your exercises first go. In others, you may need to repeat them as you might fall a little short on your first attempt.

The significance and benefit of comfort zone exercise is that no-one else is making you do it; it’s just you and your desire to develop your own skills and abilities.

Do you have trouble getting out of your comfort zone? Have you got your own stories about stretching that zone with your own activities or exercises?

Please leave a comment to share your story with us.

As you walk around these days you cannot help but notice that how we communicate is rapidly changing. These changes have come about for many different reasons, one of the main being technology. In this day and age we use technology to increase and strengthen our communication process.

We use:

Mobile phones, Email,VOIP, Blogging, Podcasting, Instant messaging, Text messaging etc etc etc.

But you know what, as good as this stuff is, it is taking away the need and ability to be able to communicate one on one and face to face.

As an example think about the places you used to spend time talking with your family:

At the breakfast table of a morning. Travelling in the car. At the family evening meal.

Then bring in technology to those situations and many more and you see where things are going from a strength to a weakness.

Traveling in the car is near impossible each kid as their mp3 player jammed in their ears. Evening meal discussion (if everyone is there) over the evening news. Or in between SMS messages from friends or Blackberry email messages from the office. Breakfast discussions in between the radio belting out the news or watching the morning breakfast shows on TV.

Face to face meetings are disrupted because the mobile rings or in comes an important email message.

My point is simple use technology and the like to expand our opprtunity to comunicate but dont let it take away from the best form of communication there is that being face to face. I know not always possible but make that the exception not the norm.

Oh and yeah spend time with the family doing nothing other than talking. And if the kids find it hard educate them on how to do it better, because somewhere and at sometime in their life they are actually going to have to talk to someone face to face and be able to string three sentences or more together.

I sit here at Adelaide airport waiting for my return flight to Sydney. My interest is raised as I watch people positioning themselves for a non seat allocation flight.

They start to create a queue for what reason I am not entirely sure. I can only guess that it might be so they get a good seat?
The interesting thing is that this is all happening well before the boarding announcement is made. No big deal.

But when that first boarding call is made things change and change fast. Peoples behaviours. manners and personality change for the worse.The queue concept in some peoples mind are in consequential, they just push in to the line where they feel they should. Jumping the queue, and generally pushing others out of the way.
The result being that the patience of those that have tried to do the right thing is being reduced at a great rate.

I can only sit and ponder can these people that are so focussed on getting on this plane can they see the person they have become in their endevour? Or if they can do they really care?

Or then gain maybe I have it wrong and the only thing that matters is getting that premium seat?

Today my son and I were discussing (debating is probably a better description) about whether we would play a certain CD as we were driving to the beach for an early morning surf. (Unfortunately no surf) He said he didn’t like the band and therefore didn’t want to listen to the CD.

We then proceeded to discuss the difference between liking something and appreciating what has gone in to the making of it. I told him that it was not important that he liked the band or the song but that if he listened and understood certain aspects of the song he would appreciate the skill and expertise that went in to it’s creation.

My point was that if all we do is base our opportunities to learn and understand on the things we like than we are going to miss out on so much.